Great Breasts – No Chicken

Stopped in at one of our local “Five Guys Burgers and Fries” outlets. According to their website, Five Guys started in Arlington, VA, in 1986, and now has over 400 locations.

The menu is simple, hamburgers, hot dogs, and french fries, with an abundance of “free toppings” that enables one to have their sandwich served in any of “over 250,000” toppings.

The interior theme is red and white tile, with decorations limited to stockpiles of their ingredients, including 25 pound boxes of peanuts (which are your free appetizer while waiting for your custom cooked burger), 35 # chubs of peanut oil, and 50 # bags of Idaho potatoes (from Rick Miles Produce, Rigby, ID), for their fresh-cut fries.

If one is to believe the posted sign endorsements, as well as repetitive statements on their website and menus, this burger is the greatest thing since sliced bread, having one numerous awards from various newspapers, websites, and magazines.

One curious category that these awards fall into is “Cheap Eats”, and I’m not sure north of $10 for a hamburger, fries, and drink fall into the genre. The small order of fries is 2.79, tho the descriptor of “small” is probably misleading. The order comes in a small foam drink cup, but the server then pours a second serving in the bag, much like the old days of when you ordered a milkshake, got the serving glass as well as the mixing cup delivered to you.

Diners are greated by the Five Guys version of when you walk into a sushi bar, except here the greeting is “four in the door”, to acknowledge you and maybe alert the staff as well.

Burger toppings, as I said, are abundant, “free”, and your choices include

* Mayo
* Relish
* Onions
* Lettuce
* Pickles
* Tomatoes
* Grilled Onions
* Grilled Mushrooms
* Ketchup
* Mustard
* Jalapeno Peppers
* Green Peppers
* A-1 Sauce
* Bar-B-Q Sauce
* Hot Sauce

The standard burger is two patties, and they also offer a “little hamburger” which one would assume is a single patty. Patties appear to be hand-formed, and, I have to say, are rather good. Fries need no extra seasoning, but a “cajun version” is offered along side the standard fries as a choice at no additional charge.

Soft drinks are bottomless. Full menu is below. I sat outside next to a pair of the most incredible Chinese ta-tas, thus the title for this piece. Five Guys is better than a stick in the eye, and may just be better than In N Out.

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Five Guys

Five Guys Menu

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