Portland, Or – Capitol Highway Deli Market

Off the Meaten Path

At first blush, your fear is probably that  this is going to be a non-meat story.  T’aint so.   It is, however, about an “alternative” burger, one that might be as close as your corner, like it is mine.

Pre-cooked somewhere west of  Wherethehellisthat? Ohio, flash-frozen (one hopes)  and shipped to a corner mini mart, office vending machine, or aircraft carrier near you,  the Big Az burger with processed American cheese slice, boasts a full 9.65 ounces of flavor on a sesame seed bun, all  for less than $3.

It comes sans condiments, allowing you to decorate at your whim.   My choice, as pictured, is pickle, onion, mustard.  And some potato by-product from Lay’s that I had around the house.   If you think the bun looks kinda squished, you’re right.   My fault.

This particularly delicious delight requires some home preparation, obviously.   I get the best results by doing the bun and patty separately, or at least for different lengths of time.  Your mileage may vary.

I know, I know, you’re asking “gwailo, how did you discover such a tasty morsel?”    Well, you see kids, my significant better 2/3rds doesn’t care for ground beef, in any form or fashion, so I am compelled to seek the manna of the gods outside of my domestic environs.  My connection for the Big Az is the corner liquor store, @ Pomona and Capitol Highway,  spitting distance from my house.   To reduce my carbon footprint, I limit my burgers to those within walking distance.

And avoid places that promise “locally harvested sustainable beef.”   I abstain from sustain.   I won’t be on the planet long enough to care.

I know you are dubious.   But these are honestly better than any fast food burgers, with the exception of Fatburger and In N Out, both of which have not graced Portland with their presence.  It has always struck me as odd that Fatburger is owned by a Portland company, but doesn’t have an outlet here.

Perhaps a tea party is in order?

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